Thursday, November 12, 2009

Bicycle Blogging

This is for real-time internet-bicycling discussions.

Yep, that’s what I do (mostly.) I likes to blog, and while my subject matter is mostly bicycling, I will talk about other things on occasion. Especially when it gets slow around here (like now.) I haven’t resorted to blogging about things that are too off-topic yet, but I’m sure it’s coming if I don’t start racing again soon. Fortunately for you, I have some more of my Internet Art Collection to share. I will, from time to time, whip out a few items from my glorious collection, even when it’s hopping around here.

Up first, Granny’s grocery getter has been converted to the Designated Driver for Bingo Night Machine. That’s right, Granny’s pal Bessie can get all liquored up at the Bingo hall, and she can get back to the nursing home without calling a cab. Maybe Granny doesn’t quite remember where she lives, but she’ll get somewhere safely.

Granny is so kind. She’ll bake you cookies when your drunken ass wakes up.

Did I mention a taxi? Why, yes I did. Check out this next item from some unnamed third-world country. Do you need a ride to get some water for your village? Drunk at the Bingo Hall? Well, if you can yell loud enough (I doubt they have phones), then you can contact this guy for a ride.

“Drop me off on the other side of this grassy field please.”

Did you take Shop class and fail? Not this next guy. At first glance he appears to have passed with flying colors (and all of his fingers, which is good for extra credit I guess.) Unfortunately, the glue he used to put it together was still on his hands, which means no test ride for you. The shop teacher is on his way with the saw to free our smiling friend. I can’t wait for that picture.

“I am a human kickstand.”

Our next subject is way too cool, but apparently he is not cool enough to get a real motorcycle. He obviously worked hard on his creation, but I bet the big boys still won’t let him play with them. Yes my friends, he rides alone. Outlaw, on a weirdo chopper-bicycle thingy. This would be funny, but it looks like he spent a lot of money on this contraption. So sad. Maybe he’s shopping for a lawnmower engine so he can join a real motorcycle club.

B-b-b-b-b bad. Bad idea.

Is your car on fire? Did you try to prepare some chicken flambé and all you ended up with was flambé? Do you need someone to help with your hot flashes? Well, I hope you’re not in a hurry. With the recent budget cuts, firefighters have to come up with new ways to save the taxpayers money. This ingenious device will get them to the scene of the fire, albeit a lot slower. This next photo could be called the firebike, but you can come up with your own name (so I can steal it.)

You had better hope that Lance Armstrong is riding this thing to the scene, or else it’s gonna take a while.

Do you need a discount handyman? Cat stuck in a tree? Are you tired of being one of those dumbasses that leaves your Christmas lights up year-round? You can call this guy for sure. He’ll ride right over and whip out his trailer/ladder thing. He can get to those hard to reach places that you and your step stool cannot. As a bonus, he can volunteer part time with the dude on the firefighter bike. Bonus.

I bet that’s a bitch to make turns in heavy traffic.

Well, you asked for it. Not directly, per se, but by clicking on my blog today you did indeed get what was coming to you. It’s right up there in the title: I am prone to bouts with crap and nonsense. While I hope you enjoyed today’s exhibits, don’t count on seeing it too often. We have to talk about me on this blog, you know. If you didn’t like what you saw today, then you should have known better. After all, it the internets we’re talking about here, so anything is possible. You never know what you might find.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Cat photo is the best, Ty has been batting Cody all morning since he wont leave him alone.