Thursday, November 11, 2010
Beer Is Beer, Right?
What’s in the bag? Well, since I haven’t been able to ride as much as I’d like to lately, I decided that I would try something different. If you’ve been around here for a while, then you might know that I like beer. Well, not just any beer, but good beer. I don’t drink the cheap stuff, which keeps me from getting hammered every time I wanna pop open a few cold ones. Some might say that I’m sort of a beer snob, and I’m okay with that. I’ve been thinking lately that I would try something different, and hopefully justify the fact that I usually spend good money for good beer.
I don’t drink the cheap stuff, even if someone else is buying. I would rather not drink a beer than drink something shitty, especially one that comes in a can. In a vain attempt to see how the other half lives, I bought the crappiest beer I could find for a taste test (to see if I was even capable of drinking horrible beer.) I opened the bag and took out its contents:
Yeah, that’s a Miller Lite. All I needed was a NASCRAP t-shirt and I would be all set. Most of the good beer I drink is of the hoppy variety, so I figured that the “triple hops brewed” contents of that aluminum can would be tolerable. Yeah I know, it's shaped like a bottle, but it's still just a can. I poured the beer in my favorite Cane Creek pint glass, and took a look.
Well, at least it looked like beer. I don’t even drink good beer without a glass, so there was no way in hell that I would drink this concoction straight out of the can. I know, this in an experiment, but I have to draw the line somewhere. Anyway, I put my nose up to the glass to take a sniff, and I was uh, underwhelmed. Instead of smelling like hoppy goodness, it smelled like a stale bar (now I know where that smell comes from at least.) There was absolutely no sign of hops at all, but I continued the test (for blogging’s sake.)
I took put the glass up to my lips and took a small sip. The taste resembled beer, but that’s where the comparison stops. I took another larger sip, and I was utterly disgusted. “Who the hell drinks this shit?” I said out loud. Since I was talking to myself, I got no response. I took another gulp, hoping that it would get better. It didn’t. That shit tasted like stale, slightly beer-flavored water, and I was not pleased. The only thing left to do was this:
Yuck. I am usually not one to pour out beer, but this was an exception. I thought for a moment how I would get that awful taste out of my mouth. For a second I considered running over to the liquor shelf and chugging a bottle of Jack Daniel’s, but I didn’t want to make myself sick. Back when I was in my 20’s I would drink anything that had alcohol in it just to get tore up. Now that I drink for pleasure, I had to be civilized about it. I grabbed the best beer I had in the fridge:
Yeah, that’s better. A little Dogfish Head 90 Minute India Pale Ale. More hops than you could shake a stick at, especially if one were so inclined to shake sticks at beer. I could no longer taste the crap that was in that shitty aluminum can, and I was happy. Lesson learned.
Being somewhat of a beer snob can be difficult sometimes, but it’s well worth it. I thought that by drinking some mass-marketed beer substitute that I would have more appreciation for the finer beers in life, but it turns out that I didn’t need to do that. I’ll stick to what I like, and save the crappy stuff for the uninformed consumer.
What, an entire blog post about beer? Yup. No bicycle stuff today? Nope. Will I be back tomorrow with some bicycle crap and nonsense? Well, I’ll answer that question with another question:
Does a bear shit in the woods?
Yes. Yes it does.