There was a big fat box that arrived at the B-43 Worldwide Headquarters yesterday.
And inside that box I found a big fat shiny new tire for my single speed.
The Maxxis Ardent will be really nice when I put my
rigid fork back on, but I don’t have time to do all that shit right now.
I got some other tires to user for super fast racing
action.
Although I’ve never been able to run two different types of
tires on the same bike (due to my OCD), I’m gonna give it a shot. I picked the Ikon and the Crossmark (to be
installed front and rear respectively), because they should make me go fast
with much less resistance, and hopefully I can corner pretty well with
them. I’m not sure if I’ll get a chance
to test ride the new setup before Sunday’s big race (to be covered tomorrow),
so I guess I’ll find out the hard way weather I like them or not.
At least they look good.
Since this post has become a Maxxis love fest, I guess I can
show you something else the fine folks down in Georgia sent me…
I know, yesterday I told you to get off your ass, but it’s
okay to sit down sometimes (as long as you're active most of the time.) This will make
to good chair to plant my ass in after endurance races, and it will make a fine
seat to use when I hang out it my yard yelling at kids while I drink a few beers.
I can sit on my ass whenever I want. I earn it first.
I was contacted recently about reviewing some products. That’s strange for me, particularly since it means that people are actually reading this mindless drivel that passes for a blog. Also, I usually buy some product I need or like (or someone tells me to buy), and write a review on my own. This is the first time I’ve actually been sent anything specifically for my review, so it’s a little weird. Now that the pressure is on, I’ll tell you all about it.
It all started when I received an e-mail about something that cyclists (and other folks I guess) struggle with on occasion. No, it wasn’t an e-mail about increasing the size of my manhood (I’m good, thank you), nor was it an e-mail asking for help from some guy who works in a Nigerian bank. It was actually legitimate, and it was regarding the ever-so-hilarious-sounding Anti Monkey Butt Powder.
What the hell is Anti Monkey Butt Powder, you ask? Well, it’s powder that probably prevents Monkey Butt. Duh! So, what is Monkey Butt then? Well, since I couldn’t come up with anything that was any better than what I’ve already read on the Internets, I jacked some info from their website:
What is "monkey butt"?
It's a term used by motorcycle riders to describe the soreness, itching and redness that occurs when you ride and sweat on a motorcycle for hours. If you have to walk bowlegged like a monkey to prevent your skin from rubbing, you have Monkey Butt!
Since I don’t ride motorcycles anymore, why the hell would I need this powder? Well, maybe because I ride and sweat on a bicycle for hours. See, this stuff is proving to be versatile already!
A quick check of the ingredients reveals that Anti Monkey Butt Powder contains calamine powder, talc, and some kind of unidentified "fragrance", which is pretty much on par with other powders of this type. What sets this particular product apart from the rest is the clever name. I mean, who the hell wouldn’t buy something called Anti Monkey Butt Powder if they had a need for such a product? Anti Crotch Rot Powder just doesn’t have a good sound to it anyway. But a name like Anti Monkey Butt Powder has marketing genius written all over it. Want some more marketing genius?
Check out this video:
I know the guy in the video is a jogger, but the principle is the same. That video had me laughing my (monkey) ass off, so I had to try it. Does it work? Well, I’ll let you decide (or I’ll decide for you in a minute, whatever.) Since I use many different types of anti-chafing products, I am loyal to none of them. That should make this review unbiased (except for the fact that they sent me a sample.) I’ve had success with some products, and failures with others. Would Anti Monkey Butt Powder pass the test?
When it was time to apply the powder, I quickly realized why I have used only anti-chafing creams up to this point. I dumped some powder in my hand, and tried to put it on my, uh, Monkey Butt. I was mostly successful, except for the large white cloud that filled up my bathroom. I guess I poured a little too much in my hand, and it kind of looked like an explosion at a donut factory. Without getting into too much detail, I was able to get full coverage. And just like that, I was ready to ride.
I had a bicycle play-date schedule with a few friends, so I made the 1 hour drive to the trail of the day. We found out it was closed, so we had to drive another 30 minutes to the next one. I was a little worried that the effects of my powder application wouldn’t last, but I never once thought about reapplying it. This was, after all, supposed to be an honest review.
When we got to the trail, it was hot (surprise.) We headed out, and I hoped that I wouldn’t get any crotch rot (a.k.a. Monkey Butt) while I rode in the hot sun. Honestly, I never even noticed it was there, which had me a little worried. Since I had only used anti-chafing creams in the past, I could always feel something greasy to let me know it was still there. That wasn’t the case with the Anti Monkey Butt Powder. Was it still there and working? Well, we finished our ride, and I felt great. I guess that means it was still there.
The verdict? It works. In fact, I didn’t sweat as much as I normally do, so that’s a plus right there. That is probably the main reason that you get crotch rot, saddle sores, etc. anyway. It was relatively easy to apply (aside from that minor incident), and it’s pretty cheap to buy ($5.95 for a bottle on the website.) The “mystery fragrance” was really pleasant, and the powder kept my, uh “nether regions” really dry. Even though it might sound a little gross to discuss one’s “nether regions”, we all have them. We also sweat a lot down there, and Anti Monkey Butt Powder keeps everything in tip top shape. My advice is, go right out to their website and buy some. Well, unless you actually like having Monkey Butt. That my friends, is gross.
